To be truthful I am scared on what's to come to my life. I think I'm on the stage of i-wish-life-was-just-full-of-games-and-we-don't-have-to-grow-up, but now? I'm only a inch away from actually working and my Mom, or let us say Family will be counting on me now. To help on financial, etc. It scares me but still it intrigues me. I think I may have fantasized my future a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I didn't dream of Prince and Castles and white horses. I dream't of a future that was close to reality but to realistic to attain, as a independent woman, has her own apartment, can provide her Mother and Sister financially, and still manages to buy some luxury for her own, a stable love life. You know that kind of dream. I can actually picture myself wearing a office suit. Ha-ha.
But I do want that though, my only problem is how. The possibility that it might not out that way scares me. The responsibility I hold, the model I want to be for my sister. Sometimes I just want to cry my ass off because it's hell not that easy. Some girls are so fortunate to already have their opportunity given by their parents. Sometimes I wan't to go far away, very far away but that would be selfish right? Even dying is. Some people doesn't think of this stuff not until they're 20-22. I am graduating in the age of 19. Oh god help me to even graduate in the right time. And we are having problems with money right now, and I need to help sooner or later. I don't want to be a disappointment. Who wants to be right? But sometimes things doesn't work out. Hail Mary, forgive me foe being a realist than being a optimist.
Nevertheless, I want to be happy. In my life. In my job. My family. My friends. Especially Me. I want a healthy life when I get there. I may have problems but I wish it's problems that won't get in the way of my smile. A little time, just a little more time. If I add more "Jesus help me" phrase here, it will turn into a prayer. But that's not bad, right? :)
