The Update

It has been too long since I have posted something in my little space on blogspot, a blog of mine that shows more sensible and things I have a mere point on. I love this world of mine, and I miss it. A lot has change also, since the last time I post something here. Your Faye was shitty, had anger issues, heartbroken, hated the world, and her always bitch self. But now? Girls. Let's party. Your BB Faye is jolly than ever, still has her anger issues, but a man to fully understand her all the way and support her.

His name is Noel Bryan Rimando. He's a normal person like anyone else people. He's not a bad ass from a alley, he's no rich man, he's no fucking guy in the movies. But he's a sexy geek from my dreams come-true. U DON'T WANT ME TO START TALKING ABOUT HOW WE STARTED. BUT SURE lol

He's also a blogger, like me. (I should have dated more bloggers in my life than school mates) Normal bloggers actually talk more, and are good people to talk to. He admitted he didn't want to talk to his love life, and other stuffs that would make a girl think "He's not ready for a relationship, he's still mingling" But the talk never stop. Good conversation always leads to something, and that something was something like a realization and into mature relationship. Not everything starts like that, something so clear and smooth. No fucking complications.

But more to our show-like relationship like is more serious than ever. I'm going to talk about that in the near future. Together with my Thesis rants, AND HOW SUPERMAN LIKE MY BOYFRIEND IS JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL LOVED AND NOT ALONE. "Awesome boyfriend is awesome, Lucky girlfriend is lucky"

She can't buy her little time.

No, this is not about me speaking of emotional breakdown-again. But what I feel about my life now. I always remember the time at school when everyone is asked what is their age, and I'll turn out to be the youngest but taller of them all. I still experienced that on my high school, I wasn't the tallest (second to the tallest actually) but I was sure to be the youngest. College came in my life and all I've got to say now is, "Damn Faye, you're are not a kid anymore and some competition won't be on classrooms anymore."

To be truthful I am scared on what's to come to my life. I think I'm on the stage of i-wish-life-was-just-full-of-games-and-we-don't-have-to-grow-up, but now? I'm only a inch away from actually working and my Mom, or let us say Family will be counting on me now. To help on financial, etc. It scares me but still it intrigues me. I think I may have fantasized my future a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I didn't dream of Prince and Castles and white horses. I dream't of a future that was close to reality but to realistic to attain, as a independent woman, has her own apartment, can provide her Mother and Sister financially, and still manages to buy some luxury for her own, a stable love life. You know that kind of dream. I can actually picture myself wearing a office suit. Ha-ha.

But I do want that though, my only problem is how. The possibility that it might not out that way scares me. The responsibility I hold, the model I want to be for my sister. Sometimes I just want to cry my ass off because it's hell not that easy. Some girls are so fortunate to already have their opportunity given by their parents. Sometimes I wan't to go far away, very far away but that would be selfish right? Even dying is. Some people doesn't think of this stuff not until they're 20-22. I am graduating in the age of 19. Oh god help me to even graduate in the right time. And we are having problems with money right now, and I need to help sooner or later. I don't want to be a disappointment. Who wants to be right? But sometimes things doesn't work out. Hail Mary, forgive me foe being a realist than being a optimist.

Nevertheless, I want to be happy. In my life. In my job. My family. My friends. Especially Me. I want a healthy life when I get there. I may have problems but I wish it's problems that won't get in the way of my smile. A little time, just a little more time. If I add more "Jesus help me" phrase here, it will turn into a prayer. But that's not bad, right? :)

Sa totoo lang?

Hindi ako masaya, hindi ako galit, nasasaktan ako. Totoo nga ang mga sabi-sabi nila, na kahit gaano ka katatag o ka-mature. Pag dating sa punto na nasasaktan ka dahil sa isang bagay na tanging nagpapasaya sayo. Iba ang takbo ng isip at nararamdaman mo.

Gulo, Hilo, Ano daw?, Break? Break?, at bakit? May iba ka no?, Hindi, Hindi, may dahilan, maniniwala ba ako?, bakit hindi? Bakit Oo? Gulo, Hilo, ... (Repeat until fade)

Ang tama lang ata na naisip ko ay, wag na magsalita pa. Tama na. Tapos na e. Pero yung puwang, yung yearning ba yun? yun! Meron pa kayang magagawa? Sakit sakit e. Paikut-ikutin mo man, masakit! (LOL Magkaribal) Pero totoo, hindi mawawala e. Mabubuhay ako na sumasakit nanaman ito. Nakakapagbaba ng confidence umibig uli. Paano kung mangyari ulit? Paano kung mas malala?

Gulo, Hilo, Ano daw?, Iibig ulit?, Paano kung hindi, paano kung manloloko, paano kung, paano kung!, Gulo, Hilo, ... (Repeat until fade)

FInals na namin e. Kelangan mag-aral, ang sakit hindi inspired, ang sakit walang proproblemahin na tao, kung nakakain na sya, kung kelan muli kami magkkita, Ouch nanaman, Wala na ata akong ginawa na hindi masakit para saakin. Diba kelangan I'm doing good? Ewan. Siguro sasaya yung iba dyan na ito nangyayari sakin. Wala naman akong ginawang masama a, never ako nag-cheat, never ako-nag paasa, ang bait ko na nga eh. Yung iba baka pity pa, kawawang faye. Wala ng love life, nawalan ng life yung love. (LOL) Pag-asa? Wala na.

Rejoice! Rejoice! (Repeat until you die)

None of my business

I'm so tired. Same doings in a same looking day, though the names of the day may change. And now this. I only look for two ways to escape this tiring life of mine, and actually think there is happening other than school and friends. Which are ;

• Me, in my room. Peace.
• Comforting words from the one you love the most

But just fucking slash the second one. All I can really depend is on myself and weirdly my room for everything to turn out OK. I'll just sleep and in my dreams I wouldn't remember anything. Or I'll just cry my eyes out, sleep, and just wake up to another day. Same. Fucking. Day.

I don't know what I've done. I don't know why my efforts are thrown in the ground like a piece of paper. Am I worth nothing to you? Kulang pa ba? Gusto mo pa? Lahat lahatin ko na? Wag na ako magbigay para sa sarili ko? Kung hindi ka ba naman tanga e, malalaman mo yan na sitwasyon ko ngayon e. Wala na. Yan nanaman ako. Sige. Simulan ko naman mahalin sarili ko ha? Kahit unti? Ha? PAHINGI? HA?

Sige. Salamat. Akala ko ayos na, yun pala. Kayo yung maayos.

PILIPINAS!

I drew the Philippine Map. It was my Sister's project/assignment/seatwork, IDRK. I'm just proud of it. I know I did draw this a million of times but I'm just proud of this one because this is the only drawing of it I pictured.

Took me a while but not that long too. Haha! I HAZ A TALENT. TAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Amazing, right? A kid like me can draw. Even of my issues.

Recently I think I'm fine. I just think. Maybe I'll just pass my subjects this Sem then I'll be more happier. IDK of anything else ATM. Boyfriend, Friends, Family. I'll set aside it first. I REALLY NEED A "ME" TIME YOU KNOW?

I think I deserve a bit because I've been doing nothing for my life. And I'm already 3rd year college. Then I heard my best-friend wants to take SYSDES next sem. I want to die. WHY IS OUR MIGRATING PAPERS TAKING SO LONG? Yes. You heard that right. We'll be migrating to LA. And it's taking so long, last time I heard we already PAID for it. LOL. Where's the Interview? ASDFGHJKL. FUCK YOU AMERICA. You know I'd rather live here. But I need to get rich first before going back here. The only problem in my country is that no filipino can get rich here, at our own country land. We still have to go to other countries for that to happen. While the Chinese, Spanish people are the ones taking all the millions. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I'm no racist. But a Realist. And that. is. the. truth.